F.A.Q.

So you have a few questions for us? Save your time by checking out our Frequently Asked Questions and see if the answer you are looking for is here. Becareful, we threw in a few curve balls at you in case it's 3am and you can't get to sleep so you ended up at our website.

1) Why do you only stock team merchandise and not player merchandise?
2) Why are not all teams listed for each product you sell?
3) Why did the chicken cross the road?
4) Why do you charge so much for shipping, what are you a bunch of rip-off artists?
5) Do you allow refunds/returns?
6) I live in the Ottawa region or will be in the area, can I pick-up my item from you?
7) What the heck is a Canuck and does it hurt when you squeeze it?
8) Why do you not carry more products, like ....., or .....?
9) Hi, Tiger Woods here, I'd like to invest in your Flag King empire, how can I grow my Nike endorsement millions with your set of companies?
10) Is the sky blue and Earth round in your world?

1) Why do you only stock team merchandise and not player merchandise?

Ahh, good question and one we get all the time. To be frank, nobody here is named Frank, we only stock team merchandise because of the state of sport today. One day your fav player is scoring the goal on the goalie, running for the 1st down or hitting that monster home-run out of the park (not all at the same time, Bo don't know hockey). The next day, he/she is on a plane to a team 1/2 a continent away. We keep our costs low by not investing in the player merchandise but in the team merchandise.

2) Why are not all teams listed for each product you sell?

More questions?? Oh, ok, but just this one and no more. Basically not all teams have items manufactured with their logo or we may have had a run on a particular item if it's the playoffs or another popular event and we may be temporarily out of stock. It never hurts to drop us a line at info@FlagKingSports.com to see if your item is available.

3) Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ok, we know we said that 2) was the last one. But we have to answer this one. The chicken crossed the road to get to his/her nearest computer to go to www.FlagKingSports.com and order his fav team product. Yes, we know it's corny, but you are reading a F.A.Q. so we have to inject some life/hormones into this chicken.

4) Why do you charge so much for shipping, what are you a bunch of rip-off artists?

What exactly are you implying with this question? Should we consult with legal counsel now or wait till you have read our explanation? Although we do like being referred to as "art-ists" the rip-off adjective is not called for. Our flat rate shipping costs make it very simple for you to figure out your order total. Even our owner can count on his fingers to figure out his order total (psst, we can count on one hand how many vacation days he lets us have in a year, gosh we hope he doesn't read this).

We understand if you just want one item that is low priced that it stinks to have to pay from $10 to $20 to have something shipped to you. But, we hope that you will add a few more products to your shopping cart to make it worth your while. Maybe that special someone in your life needs a gift or you just want to bribe the boss (cookies work well with our boss, moist chocolate chip) but we are sure you can find a way to make it worth your while.

5) Do you allow refunds/returns?

Yes, we do........... Oh you would like us to expand on that. O.k., if you made a mistake send it back to us, if we made a mistake tough luck, it's yours try selling it on eBay for 1/5th of what you paid. No, but seriously (and we should be more serious, shouldn't we?) contact us before sending any product back to us so that we can evaluate your situation. We do take the time and effort to check over all products that leave our virtual warehouse and pack your shipment careful. But mistakes happen and that's why we welcome you to return the item back to us. If you claim it's defective and we find it is we will refund your reasonable shipping cost to send it back to us.

6) I live in the Ottawa region or will be in the area, can I pick-up my item from you?

How have we not met before? Wait a minute, I know you, didn't we date your sister (or brother)? No, oh well then you are more than welcome to come and pick-up your items. We are located in the thriving metropolis that is Kanata, Ontario on the western edge of the Canada's National Capital - Ottawa.

We don't like just any riff-raff dropping by so give us a call preferably after an energy drink, for yourself, or strong-cup of coffee for us and you can swing by withe a prearranged appointment. During the playoffs things get a little crazy so make sure you call, got it?

Our pick-ups are cash only so please don't pay ahead of time by credit card and expect to pick-up your item as that is a no-no (non-non for our French clients). Our owner likes to sleep with the cash piled up around him so bring lots of it, and not just change, apparently that hurts his back and gets cold in the winter (what a cry baby!!!). Too bad he can't spare a quarter for a coffee once in awhile the cheap b..... We really hope he doesn't read this. Anybody have any work for F.A.Q. writers??? We'll even take F.A. or A.Q if you have it.

7) What the heck is a) Canuck and b) does it hurt when you squeeze it?

Ummm, a) it's slang for a Canadian (cold beer and warm toques optional, thank's Bob & Doug Mackenzie) and b) that depends who and wear you squeeze. We suspect our owner isn't very squeezable and we are going to leave it at that. We suspect he _does_ read these F.A.Q's and we will soon be out of work. How is that new job search coming for us F.A.Q. writers??

8) Why do you not carry more products, like ....., or .....?

You have to be more specific. We'd like to carry ...... or ..... but if you don't tell us how would we know we should carry it. You know we could have stopped this F.A.Q at 6) and we might all have been better off. But the boss does pay by the word, can you tell? No, really, can you tell? Seriously, can you really, really tell it's by the word that we get paid?

9) Hi, Tiger Woods here, I'd like to invest in your Flag King empire, how can I grow my Nike endorsement millions with your set of companies?

We have been instructed by the boss and his legal counsel to type the following:

"FlagKingSports.com is a privately owned company. We do not wish for larger than life sporting hero's to invest in our company (although any Ottawa Senators can give us a call, serious Alfie or Fish, CALL US!!!) and then have us only sell Nike golf products." Not that there is anything wrong with Nike golf products, don't get us wrong, nothing pleases the boss more than chasing a white little ball around a perfectly manicured green while we are stuck writing F.A.Q's. But there is only room for one larger than life hero and that's our boss.

Ok, so maybe this wasn't actually written by our boss's legal counsel. We should really stop being so gullible. But we are paid by the word so....

10) Is the sky blue and Earth round in your world?

Well really sometimes the Earth is blue and the sky is round but that's only after taking that little blue pill and waiting 1 hour... . But seriously, we like to have a little fun as we work. We don't party like it's 1999 but then again that was like a millennium ago so, instead, we work to play and play to work. Would you want to buy your sports memorabilia and merchandise from a company that didn't? It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, or their life-savings, which is probably the case if you lose your eye and have no medical insurance anyway. Did we mention that as F.A.Q writers we get paid by the word???

Now get browsing and shopping and help us get a raise, we have families to feed and a boss that likes Kraft dinner, Spam and 0.1% alcohol warm beer for our staff parties and gatherings!!!

We hope you enjoyed the rather lame and adolescent comedy styling of Flag King Sports. Bye for now.